College Talks

There is an I in Happiness

Sometimes being happy can be a difficult thing. Life doesn’t always give us situations to allow us to always be happy. Truly being happy starts from within. You might be thinking “Well I’m with the most amazing person, and every time I’m with them I am ecstatic.” I’m not going to deny that. Being with them probably does make you the most cheerful. But what about when they aren’t there? Are you still happy? Or do you swoop down into a sadness that can only be fixed by them? That is what you want to avoid.

Being with someone who makes you happy is one of the most ideal things in any kind of relationship. However, giving someone the sole responsibility of your happiness is where things start to plummet. Not only are you dependent on them, but they have a whirlwind of pressure to uphold. They have to figure out what they can say or do to make you happy, because they know that they are the only ones who can control it. So what happens when the person holding your happiness crushes it?

You fall into a deep hole that you can’t seem to get out of. Now that you don’t have your happiness there with you, you are unsure of what to do. How are you supposed to feel? Since you gave someone the sole hand in your happiness, they have all the choices in the world on what they want to do with it. No one in your life should ever have that much gain over you. No one.

Not only is it unfair to you, but it is unfair to them too. If they are trying to keep you happy, what happens when they aren’t happy? Not only do they have to deal with your unhappiness, but now theirs as well. It just isn’t a good mix.

TRUE happiness starts from within. If you can’t be happy on your own, how do you expect someone else to make you happy. Now I understand that not every day is going to be a cheery one, but not every day needs to be a sad one either. In order for you to be happy most of the time, it needs to come from you and not someone else. Start focusing on how you can be more cheerful and work your way up until it gets better.

Focus on yourself. I know that might sound a little harsh, especially if you are involved with someone, but like I said before: it starts with you. Only you know what makes you happy.

Be nice to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up over the small things, physically or mentally. Take a deep breath or two and relax before you make decisions in a not-so-calm environment.

Don’t be afraid to be alone. Sometimes we feel, as humans, the need to share everything we do with someone and constantly be with them all the time. This not only goes for romantic relationships, but any relationship you have with someone. Sometimes it is a good thing to just be alone for a while. If you find yourself wanting to be with someone all the time but aren’t always happy, maybe take a step away from the relationships and use that time to be alone. Being in relationships is nice, but it could be more helpful to be solo for a bit.

Take up a solo hobby that you can do every so often to relax. Maybe start painting, writing, walking, yoga; anything to just be at one with yourself with no interruptions. Things will get better, you will be able to help yourself. But, in order to help yourself, you have to realize that you are one of these people. It’s not always a bad thing, but you have to do what you know, deep down, needs to be done.

Start from within and everything else will fall into place.

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