I never thought the girl would be me.

I always see those articles online about the girl who was raped while she was unconsciously drunk.

I always see those articles online about the rapist guy who got away.

I always see those articles online about how the girl was asking for it, and the guy just couldn’t control his natural instincts.

I always see those articles online, but I never thought the girl would be me.

I was just sitting at home when my friend texted me to see if I wanted to hang out and have a few drinks. I didn’t have anything planned, so I figured why not? I hear a knock on my door and, to my surprise, there was my friend standing in front of four of his other friends. I was taken back a little, but decided it would just be more the fun…right?

Before I know it, I’m six shots and three margaritas deep and way too drunk for my own well-being. I decide to go lay down in my bed for a little bit and see if I can take a quick nap. Before I know it, I’m being shaken awake.

I remember figuring out what was going on and knowing that it was not good. I remember knowing that it shouldn’t be happening, and it was not okay. I remember seeing one guy leave and another come in. But most of all, I remember that I never actually said the word “no”.

Hours later and I’m still laying on the bed, stuck. I finally come to a point where I can get out of bed, and I walk out to the living room to see all the guys watching TV. I am so distraught that they can be watching TV as if nothing had just happened. I yell at them to “get the hell out of my house”, and make sure to slam and lock the door as they finally leave.

All I could do was cry. I could not believe what had just happened to me, I never thought this would be me. How did this happen? My friend? My peer? Someone I thought I could trust? 

I wanted to call the cops. But what would they say? What would they think? What would they do? I never did actually say the word “no”. They would tell me that it was my fault. I shouldn’t have let them in. I shouldn’t have gotten that drunk. I shouldn’t have laid in bed. I shouldn’t have done this or that, because I made those guys think that’s what I wanted. I should’ve expected it to happen. I knew that’s what they would say. It’s always the girls fault. The guy can never control his instincts. She’s always asking for it.

But that’s not how it should be. I shouldn’t have been so scared to tell someone, because I knew what everyone would say. I shouldn’t have been so scared to tell someone, because I was afraid of what people would think about me if they knew. I shouldn’t have been so scared to tell someone, because society told me I should be.

I should have been able to tell someone and felt comfortable doing so. So I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to tell. Even if you’re told it’s your fault, keep pushing it. Keep pushing for your side. Keep pushing for girls everywhere who can’t. Keep pushing for me, because I was too scared to.

Us girls know what’s right, even if society doesn’t. Go against society, speak out, defend yourself or those who can’t. It’ll be okay, we’re in this together. We’re strong. We’re beautiful. We weren’t asking for it. We didn’t deserve it.

I don’t want to think about it anymore. I’m probably never going to come out to the public. I want to move on. I’m going to pretend it never happened. But this is my story. My summarized story.

I’m okay.

**the following is a true story; written from the view of the girl herself, whom is not myself but a friend**